Covenant+Group+Talks

George Thompson:
 Covenant Group Service C3HUU February 24, 2008 Good morning, I’m George Thompson. The Children’s Choir song pretty accurately describes the concepts behind covenant groups. We will expand on the ideas this morning. I was first introduced to covenant groups many years ago at a week-long workshop. At first, I had a hard time seeing what was different about covenant groups – but as the days passed, I began to experience the differences. Our first UU principle affirms the inherent worth and dignity of every human being. Covenant groups provide a setting where this can be fully practiced. For me, both as a covenant group facilitator and as a participant, a covenant group session is a unique experience, quite different from a social gathering or another church group or meeting. A covenant group setting has a certain magical quality. No matter how I feel just before the beginning of a session, once we begin, I am immersed in a strong sense of calm and unconditional love. The overriding premise of covenant group participation centers on deep listening. This requires one to let go of focusing on what we will say, even before the speaker finishes sharing his/her thoughts. Acceptance and understanding does not always require us to respond to what was said – rather we covenant with one another to be totally present and accepting. Similarly, we need not obsess over what we will say during our turn to speak or worry about how it will be received by others in the group. Another important practice in covenant groups is fairness. Everyone has an equal opportunity to share. There is no concern about being cut off before finishing a thought or having to defend what was said. This allows us to safely contribute during our turn and to focus on more fully listening to others when they have the floor. This practice helps me feel safe and respected in a covenant group. Covenant groups provide a setting where we can truly be non-judgmental. Unlike social circles, where we choose who we will interact with, covenant groups might put us with others we may not know very well, or some we think we do not have much in common with. In covenant groups, a deep sense of trust and acceptance is the rule. Covenant groups are very spiritual and provide a setting where I can begin to live the UU principles more fully. George Thompson

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Jamie Nunnelly:
 Covenant Group Service February 24, 2008 Read by Jamie Nunnelly   (Written by Jamie and members of her covenant group) Trying to feel connected to our congregation can sometimes feel daunting. There are many ways one can join a group to get to know people better. Each of us will find a way to make ourselves feel a part of this fellowship. When I was a member of the UU Fellowship of Raleigh, I joined a women’s group that had been started as a small group. I became deeply connected to these women, so when I heard that this congregation was starting covenant groups and small groups, I decided that I would make the time to get involved with forming a group.

Our group is open to men and women, although right now is only women, and it is focused on exploring our spirituality. One thing that our group wanted to do is to have time each month to think about topics that are larger than our individual lives. We wanted to commit time to look inward, to have respect for one another, to listen to each person’s story, and to keep our stories within the group unless the person agrees that their story can be shared outside the group. In our journey, our Covenant has touched on many paths of spirituality. Defining divine revealed remarkably different interpretations. For some, its truth was internal and private. For others, a starry sky, birthing, or spring unfolding held the key.

On the limits of being human we raised questions that man continues to ponder. Is the expression “To be human is to be divine” a valid concept? Is human nature good or bad? Do we become human as we live? Our session on what can be achieved by community giving helped us understand the power of outreach, giving to those less fortunate, sharing what we have. By supporting local community organizations and events, we are giving back to the communities where we have prospered. Our gathering around the issue of loss touched the hearts of all, but particularly three members who experienced recent family deaths. Loss means many things: bereavement for a loved one’s passing, leaving a known environment for a strange land, parting from friends, and having a child leave the nest for good. But loss also means change and this change means new beginnings, which can be very welcome addition to our existence. Our Covenant opens new pathways to spirituality. Lighting the chalice, sharing laughter, and speaking of deeply personal experiences have brought new light to our lives. Life is about connections and building lasting friendships. The Covenant is an open minded, spiritual community that inspires and encourages us to become better people. The group gives voice to truth. The connections growing within this Covenant are manifest in ways we appreciate and value. By participating we think beyond ourselves, and have the unique privilege of hearing other spiritual journeys. Most of us live fast-paced, accelerated lives and often lose touch with the essential quality of intimacy. The Covenant allows us to connect, both physically and spiritually. Together we have celebrated hopes, desires and accomplishments. We’ve also established strong enough bonds to dive into areas of discomfort and swim around in the complexity of life, feeling safe and valued. In parting, I share a quote with you from Elie Wiesel: “There are a thousand and one gates leading into the orchard of mystical truth. Every human being has his own gate. We must never make the mistake of wanting to enter the orchard by any gate but our own.” Jamie Nunnelly 



**Mary-Dell Chilton:**
 Covenant Group Service February 24, 2008 I want to tell you a story, not about what a covenant group is, but about what it has come to mean to me.

I lost my husband four years ago. I moved from Raleigh to Carrboro to be closer to my son and his family. (My son Mark Chilton is Mayor of Carrboro.) If you followed me around all week, you would say I was doing fine. I’ve remained passionate about the research that I do on genetically modified plants. I have loving dogs and cats. (Only __two__ cats. My husband taught me the concern that there is no place to stop between 3 and 23.) I have my husband’s devoted student Fatima still living with me, caring for me when I am ill and making sure I eat properly. She puts a hot meal on the table every night. Each Sunday evening we have dinner with my children and grandchildren. But in spite of all of these positive forces in my life, inside I was starving for something that I could not put into words. I have been a backsliding Unitarian since the early 60’s. (It is hard to be a backsliding church member if you are a Unitarian-Universalist, but I guess after forty-odd years, I certainly must qualify.) While I was an undergraduate student at the University of Illinois, I was president of the Channing-Murray Foundation, the U-U student organization on campus. Because of this history, I thought maybe I should come here to look for this nameless thing that I craved. When I came to this church for the first time last September, the wonderful lady at the visitors table saw right through me. She suggested maybe I would like to try a covenant group. She introduced me to two different group facilitators that morning, and I began participating in both groups. In each of these covenant groups I have come to care deeply about the others. We have spoken of the internal compasses by which we steer our lives. We often use different words for these guidance systems, but as we listen, the meaning comes clear. I often find that someone else in the covenant group has articulated for me a piece of my own beliefs that I have never put into words. This nameless thing for which I was starved was intimacy. I feel that this is at least one magical element of covenant groups. It is working its magic on me. I want to take this opportunity to thank my covenant friends for taking me in and embracing me. I only hope that I have contributed a tenth of what I have received. Mary-Dell Chilton



**Joan Phillips-Trimmer:**
 Covenant Group Service February 24, 2008   I got involved with our covenant group for 2 main reasons:  1) Though I am a regular church-goer, that often does not work for my husband. I was looking for a church related activity with which both of us might get to know others in the church.  2) I come and go from choir and church but wanted an opportunity to get to know others more personally, discussing and getting different perspectives on issues such as spirituality or values – topics important to me.  We have discussed a lot of things in our group – not just spirituality – and I appreciate that each person has his or her unique perspective and that it sometimes includes respectful disagreement.  I appreciate that we:  - are given the opportunity to share about our last week or month without commentary allowed; - talk about our family and friends and lives with people we might not otherwise interact; <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> - have discussed values and service and created activities to share them, such as through “Trash or Treasure” (some on display in the Jones building) or through doing this service. I think I can also speak for my husband in that both of us look forward to our two hour/month covenant group. It is a safe, come-as-you-are, minimal preparation commitment to intimacy, friendship, personal and group exploration, connection and community building. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> Joan Phillips-Trimmer <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif">



<span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif">Joyce Allen:
<span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> Covenant Group Service February 24, 2008  <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> At the last meeting of our covenant group the topic for discussion was the UU Seventh Principle: Respect for the interdependent web of all existence, of which we are a part. Perhaps surprisingly, perhaps not, this turned out to be a topic that brought up a lot for us all. I can only speak for myself, though, and for me this principle embodies my personal definition of what the spiritual is. I could use the word God, although I don’t have to. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> I don’t think I have beliefs as such—how could I ever know enough? What I tend to do is to try on ways of looking at life and the universe, to see how I feel in them and how they wear. This view of existence stays with me. Interrelated and interdependent, from the Big Bang on, through all of evolutionary time. The whole being way more than the parts. As Carl Sagan reminded us, we’re all made of star stuff—you, me, that homeless man on Franklin Street. And a squirrel, a stone, a bacterium. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> We had large thoughts to share that evening. We’ve had a lot of large thoughts to share since we began, and we will have more. We haven’t all thought the same, although there have been many connections and reverberations. What the group has been, is a safe place to explore, and know each other, and work together to give some service to our church and our community. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> We’ve come to know each other well, and as members move on and new members come in, our connections spread and enlarge. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> And for those who really want the answer to life and the universe and may have missed the glory days of the Hitchhiker’s Guide: It’s 42. <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif"> Joyce Allen <span style="COLOR: rgb(25,62,62); FONT-FAMILY: 'Palatino Linotype','Book Antiqua',Palatino,serif">